Ready Player Two
by Ernest Cline
Blurb:
An unexpected quest. Two worlds at stake. Are you ready?
Days after Oasis founder James Halliday's contest, Wade Watts makes a discovery that changes everything. Hidden within Halliday's vault, waiting for his heir to find, lies a technological advancement that will once again change the world and make the Oasis a thousand times more wondrous, and addictive, than even Wade dreamed possible. With it comes a new riddle and a new quest. A last Easter egg from Halliday, hinting at a mysterious prize. And an unexpected, impossibly powerful, and dangerous new rival awaits, one who will kill millions to get what he wants. Wade's life and the future of the Oasis are again at stake, but this time the fate of humanity also hangs in the balance.
My Reaction (with SPOILERS aplenty):
(This is another one to blame on 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back. Shared read-aloud with Donald.)
Look, I'll be honest. There's no way I would ever have read this if it weren't for the 372-Pages podcast. I didn't like the first one (Ready Player One). In fact, I don't remember much about it, except that I didn't like it and it felt like an endless description of people playing video games. (Why?! Who could possibly like that?! Well, judging by the reviews and ratings, lots of people! I'm just not one of them.)
Anyway, after RP1 and Armada, I went in knowing I'd dislike it, but parts of this one were even worse than I expected. I don't know where to begin, how to organize my thoughts about this book...
Let's just make an unorganized list:
Anyway, after RP1 and Armada, I went in knowing I'd dislike it, but parts of this one were even worse than I expected. I don't know where to begin, how to organize my thoughts about this book...
Let's just make an unorganized list:
Again, there will be SPOILERS, so consider yourself warned!
-- The characters are no more likeable than they were the first time around. And they're stupid. They're grinning and high-fiving and whatever else they do like they're just out for another adventure with the Crew, yet the fate of billions of lives hangs in the balance!
-- No-one needed (much less wanted) to know that much about Wade's "private life". Why sully the pristine memory of Rivendell in this way? Blurgh!
-- The L0-Five was totally unnecessary. Just a waste of pages, and even worse, every time they popped up, we were subjected to an insufferable description of them kneeling to the High-Five. (Insert barf emoji here.) The hero-worship is absolutely sickening, especially when you consider how undeserved it is!
-- The L0-Five was totally unnecessary. Just a waste of pages, and even worse, every time they popped up, we were subjected to an insufferable description of them kneeling to the High-Five. (Insert barf emoji here.) The hero-worship is absolutely sickening, especially when you consider how undeserved it is!
-- Thanks, dude, for the play-by-play description of yet another crappy old video game. Really enriched my life. (Note: No matter how hard you try to make a pixelated video game sound lush and immersive and awe-inspiring, it doesn't change the fact that it's none of those things.)
-- So poorly written. Abysmal. ("Then" this, "then" that, "then", "then", "then"! "And", "and", "and"! It's like listening to a young child making up something on the fly. Okay, I start too many sentences with "and" in my reviews, but I honestly think that's different. I'm not being paid or trying to tell a story, here, for Things 1 and 2.)
-- So poorly written. Abysmal. ("Then" this, "then" that, "then", "then", "then"! "And", "and", "and"! It's like listening to a young child making up something on the fly. Okay, I start too many sentences with "and" in my reviews, but I honestly think that's different. I'm not being paid or trying to tell a story, here, for Things 1 and 2.)
-- What was with all the "needle-drops"? Did someone complain that "classic 80s music" was neglected in the first book, so he decided to pump up the volume, pump up the volume, pump up the volume, dance dance annoy annoy in this one? I love a lot of 80s music, but reading about it here just made me roll my eyes. Ooh, good one. You mentioned a song I know. I must be one of the cool kids, now. (Nerdy is the new cool, right? Well, at least it was for a while. I guess "woke" is the new new cool. ...sigh... It was nice while it lasted...)
-- The Prince section. Good grief. What was he thinking? Seriously, what? You could almost feel sorry for him when you see that he's written himself into a corner and has no clue how to get out. Almost, but not quite, since he basically just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ta-da! I don't know how it happened, but we won!"
-- He's back up to his old tricks again with the absolute inability to create and hold any tension whatsoever. Oh, you think we're building up to some uncertainty? You suspect that we're going to have cause to worry about our heroes for a bit? NO! Deus ex machina here, deus ex machina there, deus ex machina ev'rywhere! Zero tension, ever. Just slurp up the references, slap a goofy grin on your face, and desperately seek someone with whom to lock eyes and exchange a knowing look. Congratulations, you're in The Club! What do you want with characterization, plotting, and a modicum of suspense? You're getting validation for having a passing familiarity with retro pop culture, you lucky reader, you!
-- Wade takes a tongue-lashing for not being an expert in The Silmarillion, which is unintentionally hilarious. First, hardly anyone reads that, unless they are a true Tolkien-obsessed fanatic. Second, Aech makes it sound like Wade has been somehow shirking his duty by not keeping constantly boned up on obscure titles. ...But this quest has come out of the blue! They had no warning and no reason to expect that it would ever matter, especially after they won ownership of the OASIS, in the first book. It's just ridiculous for her to be angry with him about this! It felt like someone berating their high school Quiz Bowl teammate for not studying hard enough before a match. "Dude! You're supposed to be our expert in landlocked European countries, but then you don't even know the GDP of Armenia! I can't believe this, man! You just cost us the tournament! I hope you're happy, Wade, you utter piece of crap!"
-- (I genuinely just had to look up the protagonist's name for that last one, that's how little impression he makes.)
-- I think I'm losing steam, here. One can only rant for so long before it happens...
-- The repetition! Either the author can't remember what he's already told us or he has a low opinion of his audience's short-term memory.
-- This author has form for casually dropping in some amazing things with no explanation-- "yada yada yada"-ing it. (Curing cancer, anyone?) This time, he decided to spring "The Singularity" (a.k.a. "the posthuman era") on his unsuspecting readers. Okay, I guess it might not count as springing it on them when it was fairly predictable that this might be where things were heading. I wish I could express how barf-worthy I found this entire last section of the book, but... Well, once you've described something as "barf-worthy", what else is there to say, really?
...Okay, I've thought of some more things to say.
First: Once again, the author thinks we're stupid. He keeps repetitively explaining that this means that people whose memories/brains have been downloaded/uploaded/whatever are "immortal". I don't think you fully grasp what he's saying here, guys! That means (whispers, with a bulging-eyed fanatic's facial expression) they'll never die. They'll never know "the sting of human mortality". They're "going to live on forever". "Death would have no more dominion." And so on and so forth. ...Erm, did you get that, or do I need to explain it for you again, speaking veeeeerrryyy sllllooooowwwwlllly?
-- This author has form for casually dropping in some amazing things with no explanation-- "yada yada yada"-ing it. (Curing cancer, anyone?) This time, he decided to spring "The Singularity" (a.k.a. "the posthuman era") on his unsuspecting readers. Okay, I guess it might not count as springing it on them when it was fairly predictable that this might be where things were heading. I wish I could express how barf-worthy I found this entire last section of the book, but... Well, once you've described something as "barf-worthy", what else is there to say, really?
...Okay, I've thought of some more things to say.
First: Once again, the author thinks we're stupid. He keeps repetitively explaining that this means that people whose memories/brains have been downloaded/uploaded/whatever are "immortal". I don't think you fully grasp what he's saying here, guys! That means (whispers, with a bulging-eyed fanatic's facial expression) they'll never die. They'll never know "the sting of human mortality". They're "going to live on forever". "Death would have no more dominion." And so on and so forth. ...Erm, did you get that, or do I need to explain it for you again, speaking veeeeerrryyy sllllooooowwwwlllly?
Second: There's no point going into it, but I personally don't believe a person's soul can be downloaded/uploaded/slurped into a computer. I'm skeptical that even one's memories can be digitized in that way, but for argument's sake, say they can; I guarantee that a copy of my memories won't be me anymore than a video of my 9th birthday party is a true, actual, meaningful, revisit-able copy of that snippet of time. It's at best a visual and audio record of one angle/point of view of that party. It's nice to have, but what a joke to suggest that it's anything like the rich, vivid experience of living it when it actually was happening! Suggesting that one of these digital "clones" of someone's memories is a copy of the person is laughable. (Go ahead, call me narrowminded and shortsighted. I can take it.)
Third: Where did all those embryos come from? I don't think Wade ever told us!
Fourth: They didn't ask permission to copy people's memories and eventually wake up those copies of them? ...So much for ethics!
Fifth: The description of the existence of these digitized "people" sounds rather hellish, if you take the time to think about it. Sure, opportunities for limitless experiences, etc., but when you have eternity, the word "limitless" ceases to have any meaning. Eventually, you'll get bored. Tired. Maybe even wishing for death. Stuck with the same "people" forever. Unable to forget anything! (!!!) I don't know... That doesn't sound like paradise to me.
Sixth: "Life is good. But it's very different from our lives back home." Listen, Wade 2.0. You're not alive. Your "life" isn't actually life... But whatever.
Seventh: So let me get this straight. Wade 2.0 and all the other 2.0 Crew are the ones charged with finding this theoretical Earthlike planet, (somehow) investigating it and deciding if/when to land, growing and (somehow) raising the embryos to begin populating the new world, etc.? (This world-- assuming it's habitable for humans-- will certainly have its own set of completely unknown dangers and threats. You're not going to just step off the Vonnegut and find a veritable Garden of Eden with only polite, hospitable lifeforms awaiting you.) And you're telling me that Wade is the one in charge of making all these critical decisions? ...I... I just... Look, don't count on this whole Proxima Centauri thing working out, is all I'm saying.
Eighth: That's how it ends. With two Wades. Truly a nightmare scenario. (In passing, I suppose there can be infinite copies of any given person, in this world. That's... weird.) The copy of Wade is going off to explore the final frontier and the original will eventually die. (So much for immortality! This is no more true "immortality" for Wade 1.0 than saying that he'll be "immortal" if he has a child or that he'll live on through his legacy with the OASIS, the ONI, etc.) In the meantime, the author wants us to know that "the people who remain back on Earth are still facing plenty of huge problems. But they also still have the OASIS as their collective means of escape." So... Nothing's really changed, then. The Earth is still dying (?) and everyone on it is just twiddling their thumbs while everything circles that great big cosmic drain in the sky. Indulging in that good ol' OASIS opiate of the masses. What a beautiful end to a wonderful tale!
Bonus: Wade 2.0 tells us (in very long-winded fashion) that they've taken a "backup of our entire civilization" ("humanity's greatest hits"). "And someday perhaps we will encounter another civilization like our own to share it with. Then we'll finally get a chance to compare notes." Nooooo!! He's going to start an intergalactic war! Those aliens will sit through two or three of Wade 2.0's vintage 80s video game walkthroughs and they'll decide to do the rest of the multiverse a favor and vaporize Earth from afar! Can you imagine many worse candidates for Ambassador for Earth than Wade Watts?!
Fifth: The description of the existence of these digitized "people" sounds rather hellish, if you take the time to think about it. Sure, opportunities for limitless experiences, etc., but when you have eternity, the word "limitless" ceases to have any meaning. Eventually, you'll get bored. Tired. Maybe even wishing for death. Stuck with the same "people" forever. Unable to forget anything! (!!!) I don't know... That doesn't sound like paradise to me.
Sixth: "Life is good. But it's very different from our lives back home." Listen, Wade 2.0. You're not alive. Your "life" isn't actually life... But whatever.
Seventh: So let me get this straight. Wade 2.0 and all the other 2.0 Crew are the ones charged with finding this theoretical Earthlike planet, (somehow) investigating it and deciding if/when to land, growing and (somehow) raising the embryos to begin populating the new world, etc.? (This world-- assuming it's habitable for humans-- will certainly have its own set of completely unknown dangers and threats. You're not going to just step off the Vonnegut and find a veritable Garden of Eden with only polite, hospitable lifeforms awaiting you.) And you're telling me that Wade is the one in charge of making all these critical decisions? ...I... I just... Look, don't count on this whole Proxima Centauri thing working out, is all I'm saying.
Eighth: That's how it ends. With two Wades. Truly a nightmare scenario. (In passing, I suppose there can be infinite copies of any given person, in this world. That's... weird.) The copy of Wade is going off to explore the final frontier and the original will eventually die. (So much for immortality! This is no more true "immortality" for Wade 1.0 than saying that he'll be "immortal" if he has a child or that he'll live on through his legacy with the OASIS, the ONI, etc.) In the meantime, the author wants us to know that "the people who remain back on Earth are still facing plenty of huge problems. But they also still have the OASIS as their collective means of escape." So... Nothing's really changed, then. The Earth is still dying (?) and everyone on it is just twiddling their thumbs while everything circles that great big cosmic drain in the sky. Indulging in that good ol' OASIS opiate of the masses. What a beautiful end to a wonderful tale!
Bonus: Wade 2.0 tells us (in very long-winded fashion) that they've taken a "backup of our entire civilization" ("humanity's greatest hits"). "And someday perhaps we will encounter another civilization like our own to share it with. Then we'll finally get a chance to compare notes." Nooooo!! He's going to start an intergalactic war! Those aliens will sit through two or three of Wade 2.0's vintage 80s video game walkthroughs and they'll decide to do the rest of the multiverse a favor and vaporize Earth from afar! Can you imagine many worse candidates for Ambassador for Earth than Wade Watts?!
The only positive here was that it was (unintentionally) funny to read, especially when reading along with the podcast.
