The Gift of Fear
by Gavin de Becker
Blurb:
TRUE FEAR IS A GIFT. UNWARRANTED FEAR IS A CURSE. LEARN HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE. A date won't take "no" for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy feeling. A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers unsolicited help. The threat of violence surrounds us every day. But we can protect ourselves, by learning to trust-- and act on-- our gut instinct.
In this empowering audiobook, Gavin de Becker shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger-- before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker, whose clients include top Hollywood stars and government agencies, offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including... how to act when approached by a stranger... when you should fear someone close to you... what to do if you are being stalked... how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls... the biggest mistake you can make with a threatening person... and more. Learn to spot the danger signals others miss. It might just save your life.
My Reaction:
I kept seeing this book being mentioned, and I became curious. I listened to the audiobook version, which probably increases the chances that I'll actually finish a work of nonfiction, but also means I might not be paying full attention the whole time I'm "listening". My retention suffers when I only listen, too. But hey, at least I gave it a try.
Parts of the book are interesting and potentially helpful, but there's also a lot of repetition, less useful information, and statements that awoke my inner skeptic. The author is only human, and I don't agree with him on a few points. (He doesn't seem to believe that guns can be useful for self-defense, for instance. I know that's wrong. Sometimes the only way to survive violence is to have a weapon of your own. By all means, don't buy a gun if you don't want to, but there's nothing wrong with someone else wanting a gun for self-protection, so long as they are responsible, practice gun safety, and keep it out of the hands of children.)
Some of the information feels a little outdated, which is not surprising, considering that it was published in the late 90s. Technology has advanced by leaps and bounds in the past twenty years, and the Internet and social media have opened up new risks and areas of concern.
The section about assassination and celebrity stalkers is not relevant to the average person, and it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the book. It does seem that the author chose to write about it because it interests him, since it's his job and allows him to mingle with famous people. I disagree with his attitude that assassinations are the most important crimes in the world. Sure, the course of history will most likely be affected more by the murder of a world leader than by the murder of an ordinary person, but personally, I care much more deeply about "everyday crime" than assassinations. Besides, how likely am I to ever need to know about assassins or celebrity stalkers? It's not something I need to think about or waste my energy on-- because it doesn't interest me, as an average, everyday person.
I think I was expecting more practical, real-world advice on how to identify danger and react to it in specific situations. Instead, this book's message is mostly just "trust your instinct", or your gut, or whatever you want to call it (but don't worry, because that's bad...). I already try to do that, and I think I have decent survival instincts, so... I'm not sure how much I learned.
One thing that I'll try to remember from this book is the fairly boring advice to "simply" ignore someone who is an annoyance but not an active threat. It's something we've all heard before. Your little brother is pestering you? Ignore him. He'll soon get bored and go away. The same holds true for adults, according to this author. If someone is "refusing to let go" (pestering, making a nuisance of themselves, not picking up on hints to leave you alone), give them one clear message that you are not interested. Don't phrase it to encourage hope that it's a temporary or conditional refusal, but avoid being insulting. Leave them their dignity to avoid provoking them into aggression. After that clear, uncompromising message, stop engaging. Some people crave attention in any form, and if they can't get positive attention, they're satisfied with negative attention. Ignoring them is like robbing a fire of oxygen. It's the fastest way to quell the flames. It sounds easier said then done, but it's probably a wise strategy.
