How to Attract the Wombat

How to Attract the Wombat

by Will Cuppy

Blurb:

A survey of the animal kingdom in which the nocturnal and tunneling wombat is awarded the greatest praise.

Will Cuppy was something like the Larry David of the mid-20th century. From his perch as a staff writer at The New Yorker , Cuppy observed the world and found a great deal that annoyed him. This collection of essays on animals includes “Birds Who Can’t Even Fly,” “Optional Insects,” “Octopuses and Those Things”, and “How to Swat a Fly,” which codifies the essentials in ten hilarious principles. And three essays on wombats. Perfect reading for the perplexed, befuddled, and perpetually irritated.

My Reaction:

I found these humorous essays better than Cuppy's book about historical figures (The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody)—but less enjoyable than How to Be a Hermit.  Good for light reading, especially if you want something that can mostly be consumed in short bites.  

If you're the type who reads P.G. Wodehouse, I'd give this author a try.  

Deception Point

Deception Point

by Dan Brown

Blurb:

When a new NASA satellite spots evidence of an astonishingly rare object buried deep in the Arctic ice, the floundering space agency proclaims a much-needed victory… a victory that has profound implications for U.S. space policy and the impending presidential election.

With the Oval Office in the balance, the President dispatches White House Intelligence analyst Rachel Sexton to the Milne Ice Shelf to verify the authenticity of the find. Accompanied by a team of experts, including the charismatic academic Michael Tolland, Rachel uncovers the unthinkable—evidence of scientific trickery—a bold deception that threatens to plunge the world into controversy.

But before Rachel can contact the President, she and Michael are attacked by a deadly task force…a private team of assassins controlled by a mysterious powerbroker who will stop at nothing to hide the truth. Fleeing for their lives in an environment as desolate as it is lethal, they possess only one hope, to find out who is behind this masterful ploy. The truth, they will learn, is the most shocking deception of all…

My Reaction:
Read with Donald for the 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back podcast/book club.  

It's silly and formulaic, crammed with inaccurate information, much longer than it needs to be, and set at an often agonizingly slow pace, but I still found it more enjoyable to read than some of the other things we've read along with 372 Pages.  

(We've also read Digital Fortress, by the same author—and along with the same podcast—and were amused by some parallels between the two.)

The Babysitter Lives

The Babysitter Lives

by Stephen Graham Jones

Blurb:

When high school senior Charlotte agrees to babysit the Wilbanks twins, she plans to put the six-year-olds to bed early and spend a quiet night studying: the SATs are tomorrow, and checking the Native American/Alaskan Native box on all the forms won’t help if she chokes on test day. But tomorrow is also Halloween, and the twins are eager to show off their costumes.

Charlotte’s last babysitting gig almost ended in tragedy when her young charge sleepwalked unnoticed into the middle of the street, only to be found unharmed by Charlotte’s mother. Charlotte vows to be extra careful this time. But the house is filled with mysterious noises and secrets that only the twins understand, echoes of horrors that Charlotte gradually realizes took place in the house eleven years ago. Soon Charlotte has to admit that every babysitter’s worst nightmare has come true: they’re not alone in the house.

My Reaction:

I tried to keep an open mind, but this turned out to be another DNF.  The thought of picking it up to read was making me unhappy, and life is just too short to persist with books that you hate reading!  I read a few reviews to confirm that it wasn't just me, and after learning a couple of the things that came after I stopped, I'm glad I quit when I did.  This was not for me.  

I read the first part of the acknowledgements, and this phrase leapt out at me:  "I never have much idea where my stories are going..."  Yeah. I have to say, that doesn't come as a surprise, after this reading experience.

Incidents Around the House

Incidents Around the House

by Josh Malerman

Blurb:

To eight-year-old Bela, her family is her world. There’s Mommy, Daddo, and Grandma Ruth. But there is also Other Mommy, a malevolent entity who asks her every day: “Can I go inside your heart?”  

 

When horrifying incidents around the house signal that Other Mommy is growing tired of asking Bela the same question, over and over . . . Bela understands that unless she says yes, soon her family must pay. 

 

Other Mommy is getting restless, stronger, bolder. Only the bonds of family can keep Bela safe but other incidents show cracks in her parents' marriage. The safety Bela relies on is on the brink of unraveling.  

 

But Other Mommy needs an answer. 

 

My Reaction:

I guess I'm just an extremely picky reader.  Either that or I'm bad at selecting books—because it feels like it's nearly impossible to find a book that satisfies me, these days.  This is another one that was recommended by a horror booktuber.  After reading a couple of duds (or at least not roaring successes) suggested in her videos, I was skeptical of this one, from the start.  However, the beginning was actually intriguing, so I thought maybe I'd finally found one that I could agree was a good read.  

Alright, I wasn't crazy about the choice to leave out quotation marks.  I get that it's told from a child's perspective, but... so?  Why does that mean you don't need quotation marks?  Especially given that all the other punctuation is there.  Seems like laziness or a misguided attempt to be fresh and different.  But as I say, I got past that and was hopeful.  But then... It just got worse and worse.  By the end, I was very disappointed.  In between some genuinely creepy moments, it was a combination of the boring, the annoying, and the outright ridiculous—with a little confusion thrown in to make it even more irritating to read.  I would not recommend this to anyone I know.

Now I see that they're making a movie adaptation of this book.  Maybe they can improve upon it, or maybe it's better suited for the screen.  If I get the chance to see it streaming, I'll probably give it a try, but I wouldn't go to see it in a theater—not based on this reading experience.

I don't even feel like putting in the effort to list the reasons this book annoyed me.  Just read some other negative reviews; they probably cover most of it.  

Well, it may have been an underwhelming conclusion, but at least I no longer have to read more obnoxious psychobabble crap from "Mommy", "Daddo" (ow, another strain from extreme eye-rolling), Bela's grandmother, and every other adult in the book.  Phew!

The Silent Companions

The Silent Companions

by Laura Purcell

Blurb:

When newly widowed Elsie is sent to see out her pregnancy at her late husband's crumbling country estate, The Bridge, what greets her is far from the life of wealth and privilege she was expecting . . .

When Elsie married handsome young heir Rupert Bainbridge, she believed she was destined for a life of luxury. But with her husband dead just weeks after their marriage, her new servants resentful, and the local villagers actively hostile, Elsie has only her husband's awkward cousin for company. Or so she thinks. Inside her new home lies a locked door, beyond which is a painted wooden figure —a silent companion —-that bears a striking resemblance to Elsie herself. The residents of The Bridge are terrified of the figure, but Elsie tries to shrug this off as simple superstition--that is, until she notices the figure's eyes following her.

A Victorian ghost story that evokes a most unsettling kind of fear, this is a tale that creeps its way through the consciousness in ways you least expect--much like the silent companions themselves.

My Reaction:

Hm.  Unfortunately, I didn't like this one as much as I hoped I would.  (I'm beginning to think my horror tastes don't align sufficiently with the "booktuber" who recommended this.  I keep feeling let down by their suggestions.)

There were a few creepy moments, but I didn't find it all that scary, actually.  I was more frustrated than frightened, which is never a good thing in horror.  I could see most major plot-points coming from far away, so there was no element of surprise, either—and now that I sit here thinking about it, there are several things that weren't explained, unless I missed it.  (I'll get into that in the spoiler section below.) 

I think I had difficulty getting into the story because it didn't feel authentic.  (I know, I know: It's paranormal horror!)  Some of it just felt too modern for the time periods represented.  For instance, there's a multi-volume journal penned by a female character who lived in the 1600s.  I don't think that was likely, to begin with, but to make it worse, it's one of those "only exist in fiction" diaries that go into far more detail (including transcriptions of conversations) than any real diary ever does. Unfortunately, things like that gave the book an amateurish feeling, in my opinion.

It's okay, but I don't get all the enthusiasm for this one. 

SPOILERS

to

follow...

So, the plot holes, unexplained parts of the story, or whatever you want to call them... I guess you can just wiggle your fingers and whisper "Magic!" to explain away some of these things, but they annoy me.  

First, why does the companion that is known as "Hetta" so closely resemble Elsie?  They are not connected by blood.  Maybe they don't look that much alike? I can't recall if it's only Elsie who observes a resemblance... 

Second, the way the original silent companions are introduced into the story is strange.  We are given the impression that the mysterious shopkeeper knows there's something odd about them and seems to almost trick Anne into buying them.  Then when she tries to return them, the whole building is gone.  ...Huh?  What's the sinister history of the companions?  Are the companions the source of the evil that later contaminates Hetta—and if not, what are the odds that Anne would have such crappy luck (evil kid and evil home decor, totally unrelated)? 

It definitely feels like there was something wrong with the shopkeeper, and by extension the companions, even though they apparently never killed anyone until after Hetta's blood seeps into them and she possesses them, or whatever else is meant to have happened to make them evil and capable of murder.  And then there's the fact that Elsie seems to think that the companion version of Rupert (her deceased husband) is holding his soul captive and tormenting him.  (It seems like there was another character who may have been trapped inside a companion, but I can't recall for certain...) What's going on with that?!  It's never really fleshed out to my satisfaction. 

Third, are we supposed to think that Hetta was actually born evil, or... what?  She seems like she's just a bit fey and misunderstood (and poorly treated by her father) until she's forbidden to perform for the King and Queen, at which point she promptly turns evil in an extreme overreaction that makes no sense whatsoever.  

What's up with the splinters?  I'm not clear about how people would be getting splinters from contact with painted, clothed wooden figures that don't seem to be particularly roughly textured.  And how in the world does Elsie's unborn baby end up covered in splinters?!  (Yeah, it's one of the creepiest parts of the book, but it makes no logical sense whatsoever, as far as I can see.) 

Are we supposed to doubt Elsie?  Is she an unreliable narrator?  I never really doubt anything she says, so if that's the intention, maybe that's another part of what's missing.  

Are we supposed to like Jolyon?  Blurgh.  Couldn't stand the guy.  I get it that Elsie loves him (and that he's actually her son conceived through incestuous abuse, reading between the lines), but... I think he's kind of a jerk, if I'm honest. Not that I liked Elsie much, either.  None of the characters are especially relatable.