TekWar

TekWar
by William Shatner


Blurb:

Not satisfied with the thrills of being one of Greater Los Angeles’ toughest cops, Jake Cardigan turns to Tek, a computerized brain stimulant which transports the user to any reality he can imagine. He’s soon addicted to this fantasy-enabler—and it isn’t long before Cardigan is accused of dealing. When he fails to convince the mechanized jury of his innocence, the state strips his badge and sentences him to fifteen years in suspended animation. Four years later he’s awakened. His sentence has been changed, but no one will tell him why.

Cardigan’s search for answers takes him to Mexico, where a rogue scientist is attempting to rid the world of Tek. But these efforts have roused powerful enemies. Aiding this quest is the right thing to do, but for an ex-con, doing good can be the most dangerous decision of all.

My Reaction:
This is yet another shared read with Donald, chosen because it was featured on the "bad book" book club podcast, 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back.

Wow... Where do I even begin? When I first opened this document on my plasbook-- er, e-reader-- I little imagined the delights in store! Shatner and ghost-writer Ron Goulart have brought to life a stunning vision of the future, populated by finely drawn, truly distinctive characters whose scintillating, fast-paced, cleverly plotted adventures will have you clinging to the edge of your seat.

...Not! (Heh heh, really had you going for a minute there, didn't I?)

No, this novel will bring joy mostly just to those of us who take (perverse?) pleasure in absurdities. The phrase "so bad it's good" comes to mind. If you can enjoy watching a bad movie just to laugh at it, why not apply the same principle to bad books? It works better when you're sharing the joke with someone else, of course, which is why I'd recommend seeking out the relevant episodes of the podcast mentioned above.

What amazing crapcraftsmanship! The plas-this and plas-that! The skyvehicles in their infinite variety! The endless, mind-numbing cycle of travelling to a place, talking to a (typically "plump") person about other characters you've yet to meet-- rinse and repeat ad infinitum! The precisely measured (and usually unbelievably long) periods of time that things take to happen! The fact that nearly every secondary character has a gimmicky catch-phrase! The sheer stupidity of a future where androids feed printed slips of paper from slots in their chests and hands, every second person is a cyborg with one arm replaced by a weapon, and digital books are oh-so-conveniently printed on demand-- in a special shop-- a process which apparently takes hours-- rather than being available to read instantly on an electronic device! The befuddling decision to name a book after a "drug" that only makes a fleeting (and completely unimpressive) appearance in the pages of said book! The wonder and awe that is Beth Kittridge! All this and so. Much. More!

Summation: Best left to fans of humorously bad writing and those who so love Shatner that he can do no wrong. This isn't on the same level as The Eye of Argon (the previous 372 Pages selection), but then, what else is?

Death in Cyprus

Death in Cyprus
by M.M. Kaye


Blurb:

Twenty-year-old Amanda Derrington is on an extended cruise with her uncle when she decides to make a short side trip to the sun-washed island of Cyprus. But even before the ship arrives in port, there is a suspicious death. Once the passengers reach the island, it soon becomes clear that the death was in fact an act of murder. What Amanda had meant to be a pleasant excursion quickly takes a turn for the worse in this classic novel of suspense and romance.

My Reaction:
While not without flaws, this was a perfectly acceptable bit of escapism. It's not destined to be a personal favorite, though.

M.M. Kaye seems to have done the same kind of writing as Mary Stewart, but not quite as well. For instance, in this book there are a few pleasant descriptions, but in general, the exotic locale isn't as finely painted as in Mary Stewart's best work. I don't come away from the book feeling as though I'd visited Cyprus. The main thing I remember is that Kaye falls back again and again on the description of places as "dust-scented". I can't for the life of me understand what she means by that. How does dust smell? (Believe me, this is not a humblebrag to the effect that I never allow dust to accumulate! I've just never noticed it having a particular scent.)

More complaints: The author's approach to romance is very dated, and I'm becoming tired of her odd habit of repeatedly comparing her young, beautiful heroines to other, slightly older characters.  It seems to happen in all of the Death in... novels-- or at least the three I've read so far. In this instance, the descriptions of Monica are distasteful. No-one can believe the possibility that such a "thick", plain, middle-aged frump could attract the attention of any man ever. (She's actually described as "plain and effective and thick and thirty-five-ish"-- the shame of being 35ish! She also had the audacity to have "buck teeth and a forty-two inch waist".) Only the young, thin, and lovely-- or possibly the very-well-preserved not-quite-young 30-something-- should hope for love, apparently. And if a man ever does pay attention to a plain-featured, chubby, 35-ish woman ("a frustrated spinster"), it's only because he has ulterior motives. ("He was probably the only man who had ever looked twice at her, and he reduced her to a pulp.")

I haven't read many reviews yet... Was I the only one who noticed how often "Amanda demanded"? It happened so many times! Hilarious! Maybe it was more noticeable to me, though, because I read it aloud. (...Yes, I read aloud while I walk. I find I just enjoy some books more when I'm reading aloud, and my mind is less likely to wander. Usually there's no-one listening but the dogs. They're a wonderful audience for my "performances".)

Another side-note-- Amanda's hair was almost a character in its own right! First, we hear how beautiful it is-- and so unusual, too. (In the 1950s, most fashionable young women had their hair cut short, of course.) Then the hero starts commenting on it... And finally it ends up saving her life-- twice!  (Well, alright, the second time is debatable, but it's definitely mentioned as a factor in the fact that she isn't quite as damaged as she might have been if she had a bobbed cut.) I went from being annoyed by the hair to finding it, too, hilarious. (Maybe I'm easily amused.)

...But if you can look past those kinds of things, it's vintage escapism. (You kind of have to take the bad with the good, with a lot of these books.)