Sunday, October 9, 2011

DNF: Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife

Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife, by Linda Berdoll

This one really belongs in a blog titled "I DIDN'T Read This".  That's right, it's my first DNF (Did Not Finish) since I started this blog. 

I probably should've known better from the title alone.  (Oh, the embarrassment.)  However, I was looking for books that looked even marginally interesting in the local library's e-book collection, and for whatever reason (I like Pride and Prejudice; I was curious), I decided to give it a try.  This proved to be a poor decision.

Only a few pages in, I began to have second thoughts.  I glanced over some customer reviews to help me decide whether or not to continue, and the answer was clear:  this was not worth my time. 

Here are some spoilery things that I learned either from my few pages of reading or from customer reviews on Amazon:
  • The writing is awful.  The author clearly tried to sound like Jane Austen, "howbeit" did a very poor job. (The first page or so was almost unreadable.)
  • Apparently, there are way-too-explicit love-making scenes between Darcy and Elizabeth, which is kind of gross to think about.  I don't know why, but I feel one shouldn't think of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy doing much more than kissing and... well, discreetly fading to black when things begin to heat up. I thought I could handle a romantic sequel to P&P, but upon reflection, I find that I do not want to picture Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth getting down and dirty.  *shuddersquirm*
  • Everyone behaves unforgivably "out of character".  The most egregious example I saw mentioned was that Mr. Bingley-- Mr. Bingley, I tell you-- cheats on poor Jane and conceives a love child.  Oh!  The very thought of it!  I have such tremblings-- such flutterings all over me-- such spasms in my side, and pains in my head, and such beatings at my heart!  Mr. Bingley would never do such a thing.  It is impossible
Anyway.  I gave up on the book.